Lady comes to a grocery store
L: Can I have some onions?
Salesman: Sorry, mam, we are out of onions today.
L: Sure. No problem, but can I have some onions?
SM: Look, mam, we are terribly sorry, mam, but we don't have any onions. May be some celery?
L: Right. But can I have some onions?
SM: Can I ask you a question? How many letters "T" are there in the word "Tomato"?
L: There are two letters "T"
SM: And how many letters "C" are there in the word "Cucumber"?
L: There are two letters "C" in "cucumber".
SM: And how many sort letters "fuck" are there in the word "onions"?
L: There is no "fuck" in "onions".
SM: That is exactly what I am trying to tell you! There is NO FUCKING ONIONS!